my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
