i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
