you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
