my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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