Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
