he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
sarcasm needs its own font
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
