I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
