Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
