I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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