I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
