You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
