How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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