I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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