They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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