I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
