woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
