Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
