You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
