she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
