sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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