oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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