Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
