Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
