Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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