I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
