You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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