I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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