it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
