What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
