at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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