Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
