Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
