its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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