Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
