I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
