Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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