i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
