capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
