I heard we made out
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
