You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
