We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
