I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
