i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
