I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
