I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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