We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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