never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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