Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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