All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
