She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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