I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
