I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
