Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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