turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
