I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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